Today Marks My First Year As An American Resident
The best or the worst decision of my life?
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One year ago today I was on a plane between Paris and New York. I had finally received my K1 visa after President Trump closed the borders because of Covid. I hadn’t seen my fiancé in 16 months.
Leaving for the United States was a bitter-sweet situation. I was happy to be reunited with my fiancé (and my dog), but I was also leaving behind my home, my family, my friends, my culture, and most things that made me who I am.
This first year in the United States has challenged me in ways I didn’t expect. I studied for a year in the US — where I met my husband — but it was different. There is a gap between being a student and being an immigrant.
My husband quit his job a few days before I arrived. We had talked about it. He was deeply unhappy with his company, was working 14 hours shifts, and wasn’t equally compensated. We didn’t expect that many people would do the same, but it soon became the great resignation. It has a nice ring to it, but it didn’t change a thing about working in the US.
For practicality, we moved back with his mother and father-in-law. What was supposed to be temporary is still going on.
One of the most challenging things I had to go through was learning to sit back and watch. As a K1 holder, after we got married, I had to ask for a change of status. It takes months, if not years, to obtain a green card. Without a green card, I was no one.
I existed only through my husband. I wasn’t allowed to have a bank account. I wasn’t allowed to work either, because USCIS messed up my name. I wasn’t allowed to receive a third dose of the vaccine, reserved for citizens and residents. I didn’t have a credit card, a phone number, or a car. No American ID, no American driver’s license.
The US was clear: until my green card was granted, I had no rights.
The second challenge was unforeseeable. I arrived in the US at a troubled time. It was already an extremely expensive country to live in, now it’s nearly impossible.
The atmosphere changed, too. With Covid restrictions and the election of President Biden, more and more people are angry and making themselves heard. More violence and crimes.
The housing market exploded. First, we look for an apartment. Because we had a 60 pounds dogs, all refused us. We decided to invest and buy our first house. For almost 3 months now we have been looking. We must have visited 40 houses. Made a dozen of offers at the asking price.
All were refused, until yesterday. Finally, we were accepted for a house we liked. Not perfect, with some work to be done, but in our price range, in a nice neighborhood, with most of our criteria. The trouble is that we don’t qualify for a loan without my mother-in-law.
Three months ago, she happily accepted to co-sign the loan with us. This morning, she told us she didn’t like the house we chose, and would not sign the loan if we were to go through with it.
The last challenge I faced was living with my in-laws. If I am on one side of a spectrum, you know they’ll be on the other side. They are very religious, Republican gun owners. My mother-in-law makes a lot of money and spends it on things she doesn’t need. She is the American consumer.
She is a complex person. She can be generous and loving one moment, then double-crossing us the next. She’d give anything to her son, until she changes her mind.
It’s been almost a year of undermining moments like this combined with her welcoming us into her house. It’s tough to be grateful and still be able to stand up for oneself. I know I don’t, I rather lay low and have been spending a year hiding in the basement.
Was moving to the US the best or the worst idea for me? It’s complicated.
A year confirmed that it is just not the country for me. I don’t have a money-making mindset, I hate having to drive everywhere, I don’t feel safe in big cities and I hate people calling me honey before turning to my husband to talk about serious matters.
It is not always so bad, though. I’ve been able to visit Boston, Myrtle Beach, and Portland Maine, and have loved them. I always appreciate the solidarity that comes from fellow immigrants. I can’t stop admiring the colorful birds that live in the countryside around us.
But I long to be back home and, in time, I know we will go back.
The United States can be a beautiful country, and I’ve met some amazing people, but everyday life is not what foreigners expect it to be. I knew beforehand what I was getting into, but I make a point of talking about it to any person looking to immigrate here.
I believe it takes someone with a different mindset than mine to feel truly at ease in the country. I may be able to sing the national anthem, but I’ll never feel it through my bones.
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