I Went Back To Work After Three Years Of Break
And I’m exhausted…
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Hi. I’ve been meaning to write. I’m sorry I’ve been MIA, I didn’t expect the past weeks to hit me this hard.
I’ve started my new job almost a month ago. At first, it was chill. It was a lot of onboarding, reviewing policies, and so on. I had a lot of free time.
Then, I received my corporate laptop. My email was officially working. My training started, and my energy disappeared faster than a pint of Guinness in Temple Bar on a Saturday night.
I’m tired, and I haven’t even been paid yet.
On the bright side, I like my job. I work in computational linguistics, which plays around with Artificial Intelligence, languages, and data. It gives a boost to my ego to be developing incredibly technical skills, but a big ego doesn’t pay rent. Being good at my job is more likely to get me places, but it means I have to care, and caring takes a lot of energy.
Hence, I’m tired.
And I’m still adjusting. I’m still looking for an apartment, slowly getting closer to the date when I will not have a roof over my head. I’m playing with fire, but I’m also tired of spending more than my monthly salary on hotels and Airbnbs. I’m a great tenant, I wish someone would give me a chance.
The issue is, great tenants are not hard to find at the moment. Kick any tech building, and dozens of people looking for the same thing as me will fall out.
It’s a French expression, don’t mind it. We like to kick buildings to see what will fall out of them.
My life is still undecided. As much as I like my job, and Ireland, it’s not sustainable to hop from one accommodation to the other until I get lucky. I won’t be able to see my husband or my dog until I have a place for them here, and I’m missing them.
What if in three months I still have nothing? Should I go back? I don’t want to. I’m not going back to my in-laws’ house. They’ll throw my “failure” in my face daily, and I’ll be back to square one. Who knows when will be the next time I get a job I’ll like.
But is it reasonable to stay here, spend part of our savings, and be separated for an undetermined amount of time? Not really either.
I’ll tell you what: I’m not loving being an adult lately. It’s all “meeting at 4 pm” emails, “how’s your workload?” conversations, and “have you subscribed to a life assurance yet?” questions.
And no one is asking to see pictures of my dog.
How dare they?
Starting this week, hopefully, I’ll try to shoot for at least an article a week. Many people are working and writing. If they can, so can I! And I have a long list of articles I’ve missed lately. So much to read, only two eyes and one brain. I wish I could do something about that.
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